Reflections on stuff

Hey. Well i'm drinkin alcohol so im venting my stuff. I've got some Creamy mint stuff. Nearly finished. Carolines asleep.

Not been happy lately... Stuff's gone missing.

Carolines Engagement ring is missing, and then about a week later the money out of her purse is missing. My sister was in and i know for a fact she stole money out of my pregnant fiance's purse. The engagement ring could still be here but i dont think it is. the money though. I emailed my stepdad and (Naturally) he stuck up for my sister as him and my mum dont belive that my sisters been here (she says she hasnt been at mine for years) So if you've been at my house and seen my sister in the last 4 months please leave a comment.

I did hope my brother mat would back up my story that i was baby sitting and not in town (Like my sister said) but he pretended he didnt know anything. Since then he has admitted that he did know what was going on and confirmed that he had seen my sister at my dads although i did have to say how dissapointed i was with him after i've stuck up for him loads and now it was his turn he gave them a completly different story that didnt help me at all. Even though now he has confessed he did know what was going on in the situation i dont think they don't belive him, but i'm proud of him now because he finally confirmed the Real story which he should of done in the first place. Andrew Also gave a faulse story but that was because mat asked him to.

My sister told my mum and stepdad that i was banned from a shop called "Hawkins bizzar" in swindon. I've never been in so i cant of been banned. Anyway she told them i wanted her to go in and get me a squeezy chicken... ok like i would need one. Anyway she said i gave her some money and was gonna meet her in a carpark but she didn't. Well I dont even know where this bizzar shop is! Dont know what it sells and if she went in she would of brought a chicken home with her.

i understand that it was inevitable that my mum and step dad would take my sisters side as we have had problems in the past. I dont know if theres a word for this but when something upsets me it makes me really upset or unhappy but when something good happens... its the best in the world. So my views on my sister at the moment is that i'm not sure i want to know her. For the last 6 years i've tryed my best to spend more time with her and have been unsucsessfull. Now she's done this i think i'll give up. she's proved that she's not worth my time.

Matthew on the other hand even though he didnt tell the truth at the start he had made me proud by admitting what happened to my mum and stepdad and also admitted that he told andrew what to say to my mum. But i did have to tell him what i thought about the whole thing first. I have been fucked over so much through my life I've had enough. And since being up north i learnt loads and know how to deal with these sorts of situations. People who arnt honest with me arnt worth dealing with and are wasting my time. Theres no reason for any more bollocks and him not telling the truth made the situation worse. I havnt got time for people like that. I think then he reconsidered what he had said and told the truth to them.

Its true though because if i'm fucked over i wont stick around to be fucked over again and nowadays have no time for assholes. (Beause i'm slightly pissed i'm admitting this to you) when i was a kid my Old stepdad (Not the one previously mentioned) used to knock me about (this was reported to social services but not listened to) . I did used to fight back but i've got a scar on my left hand that on one occation i was too damaged to fight back. I wasn't sent to hospital because my mum didnt want any one to know. That sort of thing, along with other scars on my arms from with other people my mum's been in relationships with and me fighting back has caused me not to take shit anymore. It did my head in and i havnt got time anymore. if your my mate, your like my best mate, but if your not, i don't have time for you. I take things very personal and the littlest things can get my back up like a cat stroked the wrong way.even if someones dont something petty i'll get majorly angry with it because ifeellike it's morraly wrong

It got worse while i was working at coliseum though. Something inside me said that if anybody fucked me about i would come down lile a ton of bricks on them. i did, since then i havnt changed. Thats what i'm like now. I think My old bosses figured that... thats Probably why i got fired!

So going back to this situation mat has proved that he is worth my time. A lot of people would say that i shouldnt be like that, afterall he is my brother... Well yeah but I've been betrayed by close family before so theres only one other person i trust besides my self on being loyal and honest with me and thats Caroline.

Im off to bed now. Im tired and the alcohos dieing off. Its nearly 4am and i wanna good sleep. So night everyone